You Know
by Justagirlwithwords
Summary: "He was hoping to reassure her with a false sense of causality, but somewhere along the way, he didn't even know when he began trying to convince himself." Based on the H/D scene in 4x15


The night had taken a turn, for the worse? He honestly couldn't tell you. One minute, the conversations were light and casual, and their laughter was something that hadn't been heard in a while. The next, they started navigating through uncharted waters, admitting things they wouldn't normally, and quite literally having a heart-to-heart. Which was something he could count the number of times he did. No longer did it matter whether they were laughing just a minute ago, or that the glasses of wine they had in their hands were serving as a hindrance to the truth.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or the somber setting (from their continuous attempts to not talk about it), or maybe it was the company. He tried to do what he did best, mask any and all forms of emotion, and leave it to be interpreted. He always figured that it saved him from any commitment, any responsibility regarding his feelings. Without admitting anything outright, nobody could ever hold him to it. Yet, before he even knew what was happening, he was admitting things he didn't even know he was capable of.

He had acknowledged the fact, that this time it wasn't the same as it had been with the memo. He wasn't begging for forgiveness, he wasn't asking for a second chance. This time, he was fighting, fighting hard to keep her, keep her as his secretary or simply with him, he truly didn't know.

Harvey Specter, was a man of many faces. For the first time, in a long time, he showed something that had been suppressed for years on end. Something, he had refused to let get in the way, something that he had ignored since his teenage years. He tried to ignore what came out of his own mouth, the only way he knew how. By running. He was going to run from her, from his feelings, from the vulnerability he knew he exposed tonight. His eyes were pleading, hoping she would just let it go. That for one thing was a completely new experience, because Harvey Specter didn't hope for things to happen, he made them happen. He couldn't just put on his infamous poker face, and hide from the world. It was up to her to either understand what he said and leave it at that, or just pretend it was meaningless.

"_Why?__"_

He didn't realize how much he loathed yet at the same time longed for such a question. For once, he wanted someone to stop him, and make him explain. It was different with her and Scottie. Extremely different, and for once, there was no warnings, or pre-existing knowledge he could rely on. He was scared of what he was admitting, and how everything was coming to a head, and inevitably, he would have to face it.

"_You know I love you Donna__"_

He was hoping to reassure her with a false sense of causality, but somewhere along the way, he didn't even know when he began trying to convince himself. He tried to mask his emotions with a joking undertone, but from her look of surprise, he knew was failing, miserably.

By voicing his inner thoughts, it had suddenly become real, rather than a figment of his overworking brain. She was speechless, that was certain. Taking advantage of her shock, he ran of there, getting the hell out of dodge.

They had always skirted around the possibilities, danced their way with flirting and insinuations, traded insults and advice, and everything in between, while at the same time treading the fading lines between their past and present. They never really understood just how much their lives were connected. Correction: He never really understood just how much their lives were connected.

His words not only solidified what she meant to him, but it solidified his fears and desires. As he ran out of her apartment, and the cool night air hit him, he realized just how big of a fool he was, and how broken he was on the inside.

She was supposed to know.

* * *

**This was based on the scene in 4x15, which we all know took us for a spin. When I watched it, I couldn't help but feel Harvey being portrayed in a new light, different from what we've seen before. I hope I did this scene justice!**

**Please let me know what you all thought (of this and the last two episodes of Season 4!)**

**I would love to have a conversation with any of you, regarding the recent happenings in Suits!**

**-Justagirlwithwords**


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